will england :: humor : Emacs in the Infocom tradition

Ingvar the Grey wrote:
>I'm currently wondering if I should throw hardware at emacs or at perl.

In the great Infocom tradition


You are in a computer room. There are many computers here, as well
as piles of discarded Jolt Cola bottles and Twinkie wrappers. Exits
lead to the boss' office and to the outside.

There is a hungry Emacs here
There is a black Perl here
There is an Apple Macintosh here.
There is a PC running Win95 here.
There is an SGI O2 here
There is a Cray-3 here.

>Get Perl

You get the Perl. Enscribed on the Perl is the first part of a message

>Read message

print pack"C*",split/\D+/,`echo

Attempting to understand the message twists your brain in horrible
ways. You lose 10 SAN

>Look at Mac

The Mac is currently running. The calm, cooling sensation of the GUI
begins to hypnotize you. You begin to click the mouse on random
things and enjoy the next few minutes while changing the screensaver

The Emacs strikes! You lose 10 HP.

>Throw Mac at Emacs

The Emacs ignores the Mac as it bounces off of its thick LISP hide.

>Type Emacs

What do you want to type?

>M-x eat-hardware-mode

That's the default for the Emacs!

The Emacs tries to eat the Mac. It fails. The Emacs is growing very

>Throw SGI at Emacs

The Emacs gobbles up the SGI and burps loudly. The Emacs is still

>Throw Cray at Emacs.

Who do you think you are, Superman? The Emacs takes the hint and
begins to gobble the Cray anyway.

>Look at PC

The computer is off.

>Turn on PC

The Win95 splash screen appears for a few seconds before the machine
locks up in Scandisk. The mere sight of the horrible Win95 has cost
you 15 SAN.

The Emacs is almost done with the Cray. You knew you should have
ordered the extra GB of RAM, but the pointy-haired boss rejected it

>Throw PC at Emacs

The Emacs grabs the PC in midair and gobbles it down. It burps loudly
and looks a bit queasy.

>Go out

The door is locked. Your pager is beeping.

The Emacs is beginning to look very sick

>Look at pager

The boss wants you again. The Internet is down.

The Emacs looks really bad.

>Go office.

The office is lushly appointed in real wood and persian rugs.
An exit leads to the computer room.

The Emacs follows you.

There is a computer here
There is a pointy-haired boss here

>Talk boss

"The Internet is down again. FIX IT NOW!"

The Emacs dumps core on the expensive persian rug.

>Turn on computer

The computer boots up. It is running Win95.

Ouch! You lose 15 SAN for seeing Win95

>Start Netscape.

(on computer) You wait...

You wait...

You wait...

Netscape starts.

>Talk boss

"You fixed the Internet! Great! I'm promoting you to management!"

Ouch! You lose 100 SAN! You have gone insane!

Game Over:

Your score: 5 out of a possible 635423 in 45 turns
Eric R.

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Updated Wednesday, September 05 2018 @ 11:51pm